This photo, however, isn’t of Jay entertaining our company.
It’s of Jay and Wendy all decked out for the Fall Festival at Beulah School,
where Wendy was in first grade. I’m sure that Wendy helped us get everything
together for their costumes. Big sister knew exactly what she and little
brother needed to look the part!
This photo was taken at about the same time as the hobo one,
but it was a formal family portrait. It was either one taken at a place like
Olan Mills or at church. As I think about it, I believe we had it done at a
photography studio. Be sure to notice Frank’s sideburns (very stylish), Wendy’s
dress with the leopard collar and her long hair (also very stylish), Jay’s cute
little suit (sort of par for the course for little boys at the time), and my
beautiful hair, which was actually a wig (very, very stylish). What a lovely
family!
When Jay moved out of our home and into homes of his own,
most of the time with guys in Velvet Melon, whether it was in my mother’s old house in
Myrtle Grove or on the beach or in New Jersey or in the Nashville area, he
always had a framed 8 X 10 of that photo. Once, not long before he died, I said
to him, “Jay, why do you always have that awful picture sitting out where
everyone can see it?”
“It’s my hair that’s so awful. Everyone laughs at it now
because it looks so funny for today.”
“Oh,” said my boy, “I never noticed your hair. I just have
it out because I’m so cute!”
Always so sure of himself. That’s my boy!
One of Jay’s Heroes . . .
Bruce Lee
When Frank’s older brother, Sam, retired from the Navy,
there were two things that he wanted to do—work in a store and go to college.
Frank had a store, so if Sam moved his family to Pensacola, he’d have a place
to work; and we had an excellent college (PJC), so he’d be able to begin his
college career. Sam packed up Masako and Tim and headed for Florida. We helped
them find a house in the Bellview Middle School district so that Tim and Jay
could attend the same school. Jay was in seventh, and Tim was in eighth grade.
The boys saw each other every day at school and planned
exciting things to do on the weekend, taking turns spending the night with each
other. Just one of the things that they did was watch Bruce Lee movies. Their
favorite was Enter the Dragon, with The Way of the Dragon (Chuck Norris)
being a close second. They really got into the action of Bruce Lee and beat
each other up regularly trying to imitate their hero’s style. Nothing would do
but the next time we went to Seattle to visit his cousin and his family Jay had
to go to pay a little tribute to his hero.
Jay and Tim were best friends the year that Sam and his
family lived in Pensacola. Through the years, they remained best friends
(of course, each one had other best friends, too) even though they lived 2800 miles apart. I
know in my heart of hearts that they’d still be long-distance best friends had
Jay lived. And that makes me feel very good!
There’s another story buried in this picture. Did you notice
Jay’s sweat shirt? On this same trip, we took the kids to the Air Force Academy
in Colorado Springs on our way to Washington. Our reason? We thought it would
be really good for Jay to apply to the Academy. Okay . . . stop laughing. I know
it’s a real stretch to imagine our Jay at anybody’s academy, but we thought
we’d try. So much for good intentions on the parts of parents.
European Adventures
Back in the day, Frank and I used to travel with students in
Europe every summer. In 1984, we signed up enough students for the trip to
allow us to take Jay for free. He really didn’t want to go because Velvet Melon
was in its infancy, and he wanted to stay at home to play rock ‘n’ roll and to
develop his business. We insisted, however, that he go with us because it was
probably the chance of a lifetime, and he needed to take advantage of it. So he
went with us, drumming on the backs of the seats in the bus, on tables, on
anything . . . probably on his friends.
Students were allowed to go exploring in the foreign cities
in the afternoon if they were in groups of at least three. So The Four
Musketeers in the photo disappeared one afternoon in Rome, only to arrive back
at the hotel with their ears pierced. I was devastated! Ear piercing on boys
was just becoming popular, and I thought it was terrible. After all, only girls
should have their ears pierced . . . or so my conservative little mind led me
to believe. And if you think I had conservative beliefs, you can imagine
Frank’s! I hated to think of what his dad was going to say and do.
When I saw my boy with a pierced ear, I cried. Yes, I cried.
I guess I just felt that Jay had let me down. We had talked about his having
his ears pierced at home, and he knew that we didn’t approve. Even worse than
our feelings, though, was my fear of what the other boys’ parents would say.
Unhappy as I was, however, I had to have a photo. You can tell by the smiles
that the guys weren’t unhappy. Everyone who knew Jay knew that he and I had a
“mutual admiration society,” and because of the love that we shared, I never
saw the earring again while we were on the trip.
But . . . sometime later in his life, he convinced his dad
and me that an earring wasn’t the worst thing in the world, and by the time
that he died, he had three pierces. On July 3, 1992, Frank’s younger brother,
Bob, and his wife took us to Gayfer’s to buy burial clothes for Jay. I sent Bob
on a mission—to purchase three new earrings for his nephew—while Frank and I
shopped for pants and a shirt. I couldn’t have my boy buried in old earrings,
could I? Of course not!
Before I close this little story, I must tell you that
having their ears pierced was the least of the trouble that these kids got into
while we were in Europe. That afternoon’s activity didn’t even hold a candle to
their getting in the car with a stranger in Madrid and going to his mansion,
with their rappelling down the walls of a hotel in Florence to roam the streets
in the middle of the night, and with their rolling the Tower Bridge in London
the night before we left for home. Jay confessed all of these activities one
evening in Pensacola. Your parents might not have done this, but we laughed. After all, they didn't get hurt and didn't wind up in jail. Might as well laugh after the fact! We did a lot of this with Jay.
Jay, His Friends, and King
Tut
Almost every year, when we went to Europe, we took the kids
to Switzerland. And almost every year, we encouraged them to have a talent
show. They had plenty of time to plan and to practice. The year that Jay went
with us was no exception, and you can imagine who was the most excited about
performing. That’s right . . . the one in the front, Jay. Years later, when
Velvet Melon was in its heyday and Jay was playing sax and bass, I asked him if
he ever wanted to be the drummer again. After all, drummers are usually the
musicians that the girls are the most ga-ga over. “What?” he replied. “And not
be on the front of the stage? Oh, no . . . I’ll keep on playing sax and bass!”
This photo proves that his answer wasn’t something that he just made up on the
spur of the moment. He wanted to be the star . . . and in the front!
And so Jay and his friends (that’s Scott Andress again on
the right) performed Steve Martin’s “King Tut” routine. They were hilarious!
They were the hit of the talent show! Four boys who had the same sense of humor
as those “wild and crazy guys” on Saturday Night Live stole the show. Frank and
I were so proud of them, and my best friends, Fran Crumpton and Annice Webb,
and I have laughed so many times just remembering how funny they were.
They made their own costumes, borrowing towels from the
hotel and a big spoon and foil from the kitchen for Jay’s headdress. I wish we
had had video cameras or iPhones back then, but we didn’t. If we had had them,
you could see my boy and his back-up for yourselves. Steve Martin’s performance
will have to suffice to show you what Jay and the King Tutters did that night
in Switzerland . . .
I’ll never forget that talent show!
And as all of you know, I'll never forget Jay. I hope you don't think me too weird for continuing to write about him at various times during each year but especially on his birthday and on Jay Day, July 2. This is just a mother's way of celebrating her boy.
Almost every time I write a piece, I include my favorite quotation. You've probably heard it before, but I'll repeat it this time because it expresses exactly how I feel . . .
There is an endearing tenderness in the
love of a mother to a son that transcends all other affections of the heart. It
is neither to be chilled by selfishness, nor daunted by danger, nor weakened by
worthlessness, nor stifled by ingratitude. She will sacrifice every comfort to
his convenience; she will surrender every pleasure to his enjoyment; she will
glory in his fame and exult in his prosperity; and if adversity overtake him,
he will be the dearer to her by misfortune; and if disgrace settle upon his
name, she will still love and cherish him; and if all the world beside cast him
off, she will be all the world to him.
—Washington
Irving
Enjoy
Jay Day! Tell some funny stories about a very funny young man. I’m sure he’ll
be laughing right along with you. And I hope we see lots of you at the Velvet
Melon Reunion on July 28!